Temple Square Grounds in Salt Lake City

The temple grounds are decorated by beautiful flowers.
I went to the Salt Lake Temple on Tuesday.

Here are some of my favorite pics.

Art Access Exhibit Pieces sneak preview

I am doing a partnership program with Art Access Gallery to hold an exhibit in August this year.
They pair up a disabled artist (me) with a professional artist.  In this case the professional is Susan Jarvis.

We have been painting in her studio in Sugarhouse on some Saturdays.  She taught me her technique of  rainbow painting our first session.  We made clothe covers for our watercolor sketchbooks which may become part of the exhibit.  My exhibit will be a tribute to my parents lives.  They are both deceased.

I was drawing all four pieces on watercolor paper today.  I had the drawings resized larger at Fedex Office.  I traced them all using my apartment windows as a light source.  I don't have a light box.

So the first and largest piece is a self portrait.  Along the left side I am wearing my dark blue duster, blue dress and blue rain boots.  At the right side I drew a portrait of me which is mostly a head shot the other one is head to toe.  I will be painting this next Sat.

The next piece is of my mother in three quarter view, in her wedding dress, holding a bouquet of roses. I used my brother Christian's photo of some stain glassed windows and a chandelier for the baekground , from his Europe trip March 2012.

I then drew the profile of my father holding my mothers hand and her profile, too.

My last piece is of the house I grew up in with a twist it has another picture of the remodeled version that is For Sale-literally.

Mtn Timpanogos Temple

I was lucky that I got to go with my singles ward to Mount Timpanogos Temple trip last Saturday.  

We took alot of posed photos and single photos before we entered the House of the Lord.
It was so peaceful and the air had a nice chill to it.

I want to make it a higher priority to attend the temple more often.

My deepest apology

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for struggling to keep a broken plastic fork away from Nick the security assigned to watch me at Pioneer Valley Hospital.
I regret that the fork cut a chunk of your finger.  
I'm sorry you had to go to the ER.
Next time just let me cut myself.

By the way I like your cologne.

Tearing Down Stereotypes

Sometimes my Doctor and Psychiatrists treat me differently because I have a few mental illnesses.
My doctor didn't beleive me that I couldn't walk up some stairs to get to my job at a call center after a year passed from the accident where an SUV struck me after speeding through doing a U-turn through a cross walk.  Yet the same doctor gave me a prescription for a wheelchair not much later.  Yet I don't want to admit that it hurts to sit and walk and stand.
I seen another doc who ordered an MRI of my spine.

Yes, there's damage, No I'm not fibbing.  I have degenerative discs, a torn disc and bulging discs.
Every time I go to the hospital and get out and see my psychiatrist at North Valley Mental Health she is very hostile with me.  I don't like it.  I am considering seeing Isaac for my meds at Pioneer Vallley based on an outpatient basis. Maybe things would be differently.  He doesn't get upset if I need treatment at a hospital.

I have delusions.  I thought my hair would grow back over night after cutting it near my scalp.  I was so sure and so wrong.  I was only 16.  I thought I conjured a very real sibling to help me cope with family life.  I once thought he was the devil, too.  I thought that my mom was waiting for me with dinner after church three weeks ago.  I was believing this lie for ten minutes.  My mom died eight years ago.  It was very upsetting.  I lost my appetite, skipped meals throughout a week.  I planned to overdose on my medication and not tell a soul.  Well I stopped myself and called one of my brothers.  He seemed angry because my death would upset his young children.  They are very fond of me as I am with them.  I love playing candy land, match games, and other games they have.  We watch movies, have snowball fights and how could I possibly take away their aunt?

I have borderline personality disorder.  I don't really understand it.  I just know I have to do DBT therapy and work on it everyday to keep it in check.  I am told I am a black and white thinker, but what does that mean?  "All or Nothing"thinker.  I don't get this disease  but it has me.  I see a fairly good person at North Valley for therapy.  She laughs at what I do sometimes and sometimes I am not sure it was funny.

I have mood changes.  I stay up until two am painting last night or should I say morning?
I have my highs which was last night.  I had anxiety attacks I was shaky couldn't breathe and just cried.  I wanted to know why sometimes God protected me from some bad things happening and then the SUV accident happened.  I was such a fighter and kept going to work.  I was stubborn.  The day I nearly fell down the stairs and couldn't raise my right leg to go up the stairs I called work and just quit.  It was terrifying to lose my job.  My boss even called and asked what he could do to keep me on.  What could I say, I needed an elevator in a building without one.

I have lost friends who couldn't deal with my ups and downs.  My suicide attempts.  My cutting problem.  Some people cut to feel something.  I cut to get to my veins and bleed out.  I have even lost the trust of doctors, they no longer give me strong pain medication for my spine problem.  I just hurt everyday and only find some comfort in taking Aleve gel caps for the pain.

I began being hospitalized at the age of 16.  I stayed somewhat stable because of my mother's influence and after her death I begun to lose it.  I was 25 and had a breakdown.  I couldn't work any longer.  I got  section 8 housing and lived alone and my rent was four dollars a month, utilities included.  I was desperate so I applied for social security disability.  I went through their paperwork and did their testing.  I got it on the first try.  I don't remember how long-but I know I waited anxiously for an answer on the application.

I try to stay motivated in my recovery. I plan to do things I enjoy every day.  I push myself to do things that are difficult yet possible.  Some tasks that may seem easy for you are much harder for me.
 I stir things up by going to the gym for free through classes through North Valley Mental Health.

I am so blessed to get the opportunity to work with Susie through Art Access Gallery doing a partnership.  They paired a disabled artist with a professional.  I am disabled.  Its hard for me to admit.  I don't go out of my way to tell people my story.  But I hope my story helps someone.  Know you are not alone in your struggle.  Don't give up and when you feel like you are about to, talk to someone you care about or 911.  You are worth it.  No one can replace you.

One year anniversary

My blog will turn one year old on march 16.  What should we do to celebrate?
My oldest brother turned 40 this week.
St. Patty's is just around the corner.
I'm going to be making green jello and attending a party I was invited to.

Go out and do something, something that inspires your mind.  What moves you?
I love painting.  I painted a rhinoceros and gave it to a friend lastnight.
I joked she should turn around and sell it on Ebay because I want to know the going rate for my art.
Sadly we admitted we didn't know how to sell things on ebay.

Now my younger brother-he got the brains. Technically he is older than me, but our other brother is much older than us. The  young brother sells stuff on ebay and in one point of time mentioned he would try to help me sell my art on ebay.

I still have an partnership with art access gallery to exhibit my artwork in August.  In two weeks Amanda will be shooting photos of the artist Susie and I working together in her studio.  The one thing I don't like about her studio is that in that room there's no sink.  Kind of important to clean your brushes if you would like to reuse them.

Today I have been checking out what classes are offered next Spring and Fall at Salt Lake
Community College.  Some classes I would like to do are advanced watercolor painting.  The problem is they offer it on a Sat at 8 Am just like last year.  So predictable.  I am not a morning person.  I have severe sleep apnea.  If you don't know what that is, basically, my breathing stops twenty times in one hour which makes it nearly impossible to get deep sleep that makes you wake up refreshed.
The other classes that I want are independent studies, portfolio development class.
The obstacle with portfolio development class is the stipulation that you have to have 50 credit hours to take the class.  I have 49.  I am just one credit hour short.  I wonder if they'd notice.
I would like to get to know more about indcpendant studies, I want to develop my own style, get a portfolio go out into the world and face rejection head on.

I have wanted to do pictures for children's books ever since I held my first picture book with no words, just pages and pages of gorgeous art.

Enough about me..
Get out and enjoy the good weather if you are able.

The end of my advanced drawing class

Today is December 11, 2012 and at 1:30 my advanced drawing class will hold its final critique. 
I chose this picture of a cast because she is somewhat somber looking. 
I am glad my class is over, but at the same time I want something to keep me busy.

I had my portfolio reviewed for the second time this year with Amanda at Art Access Gallery. 
I am going to be working with a professional artist doing watercolor paintings.  I am excited.  This is suppose to happen late December or early January. 

I am signed up for an an advanced watercolor painting class this spring with Salt Lake Community College.
I am looking forward to it, but it meets early on one day, so I wonder if other students are going to be able to make it a priority or if I will be doing the painting at home.

I was called as ward photographer this month for my singles ward.
For an activity we went to the lights at temple square.  It was a cold night. 
I was lost from my ward and I wondered if they even showed.   

At least I got some really good shots in of the lights of temple square.